Re-Epiphany (ree-ih-pif-uh-nee) - n. A sudden revelation of great enlightening truth . . . thaaat you happened to have had before and forgot for some reason.
Gotta love those things … and hate them sometimes, to be honest. Epiphanies can be great, especially when you're really down on your luck and you need a little freshened perspective. Like just today, I discovered … or, well, re-discovered … my old frame of mind: that everyone on Earth is connected. Now, a lot of people say that, but I'll run the risk of sounding full of myself by saying I feel like that means more to me than it does to a lot of people. That we are all a part of the same cycles, the same nature. That there's little point in missing someone if you're all located somewhere on this big rock (or in the universe for that matter) because being somewhere means we're all just separated by a degree of distance. Distance is relative. At one point you thought down the street was too far away from your Mom. Then it's across the state - across the country - the world. And every time, the one preceding is made to seem smaller and smaller, like you're neighborhood just got stretched out a little. We all breathe the same air, whether we're fifty feet or miles away. Light travels at 299,792,458 meters per second, so what is distance really? It's just relative. Regardless of how far away we are from one another, we are always either too close or too far away to suit someone's tastes, but we are all connected regardless. So I figure why not skip the middle man?
I was so much happier after having that little bit of insight tumble into mind. I stepped out of my car and the air seemed - hell, I don't know, more breathable? It was like my brain got smaller from being released from stress, so all the organs attached to my head started working at fuller capacity. In the middle of a pizza run, I felt totally in-tune with my fellow man and the rest of the world.
The sadness set in when I realized I'd come up with the idea before.
The problem with a "re-epiphany" is that you eventually reach the realization that if you've had the idea before and it just NOW re-occurred to you. Something caused you to forget about the idea somewhere along the line. Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I've had a LOT of re-epiphanies. I think it has something to do with always trying to be open while trying not to look like a closed-minded bigot. But the point is that re-epiphanies are infuriating because you can't help but wonder if you're just going to forget the idea as soon as you've just had it.
I've tried a lot of things to remember my inspirations: pendants, journals, sticky notes, the like. None of them were permanent, and it all comes down to self doubt. If you're afraid of people seeing you as someone who pushes their beliefs on everyone else, you just prefer to not have beliefs. Eventually, you drop the ideas you had because … well, you had them. There's really nothing to do except improve your self esteem. I'll figure that one out eventually. Hope your [insert your near-future time period] goes well. ^_^